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The following are my observations of how a person
uses meta-programs (most of the time un-consciously) in creating
rapports with another person, or fails to create rapport when using the
other opposite scale of the meta-programs.
The context is a person, whom we want to create
rapport with, is upset, unhappy or annoyed about an event, and we are
not the direct parties involved in that un-pleasant event.
How do we create rapport with that person using
meta-program?
Here we assume that you are aware of your own
habitual meta-programs, which you automatically or unconsciously have
been using. With such awareness, you be flexible to move to the appropriate
meta-programs to achieve your intended results in creating rapport with
the person.
- Chink
Size: General / Specific; Global / Detail; Deductive, Inductive,
Abductive
The use of the chunk size
should be small, or details specific to that person’s issues at hand,
not large. The problem with chunk size in global or large is in the mode
of bringing in other perspectives, which is not the timing in creating
rapport. The person at this moment is not ready to see the larger
picture. Hence, do not try to bring in different dimensions to look at
the situation.
- Relationship
Sort: Matching / Mismatching; Sameness or Difference / Opposite;
Agree / Disagree
Obviously, for creating rapport, we need
to apply matching, and not mis-matching Though we may not agree with
him or her, we do not bring in opposite views during this stage of
creating rapport.
To be emphatically is to
be in a state of association, with feeling, not detached or trying to be
objective. It is difficult to establish rapport in a dissociated or
detached state.
- Representational
System Sort: Visual / Auditory / Kinesthetic / Auditory-digital
This is a basic NLP
practice in taking cues on that person sub-modalities and match with
them
- Information
Gathering Sort: Uptime / Downtime
When we are in the mode of
Uptime, we are more conscious and aware of that person’s sensory
experience and state of mind. Avoid Downtime or internal dialogue, that
leads to all sorts of speculations or hallucination.
- Perceptual
Categories Sort: Black-and-white Vs Continuum
Use Black-and-white, i.e.
following that person’s position.
- Philosophical
Direction: Why/How, Origins / Solution process
This is not the time to
deal on this philosophical direction. Just listen emphatically, ask
“What, which, when”
- Epistemology
Sort: Sensors / Intuitors
Use more of the sensors as
your inituation may lead to wide speculation again.
- “Time”
Tenses sort: Past / Present / Future
Focus on the present or
past, as per the story of the person you want to create rapport with,
not future. He or she may not be in the mood to talk about the future.
- “Time”
Experience: In Time, Through Time; Sequential Vs Random Sorting
Be “in time” with the person’s
expereince and world, no need to put in logical order of the
“through time”
Avoid, switch off, or disable all the
followings, some of which are not applicable or relevant, or not so
useful :
- Scenario
Thinking Style: Best-Case vs Worst-case Scenario Thinking;
Optimists / Pessimists
- Perceptual
Durability Sort: Permeable / Impermeable
- Focus
Sort: Screeners / Non-screeners
- Reality
Structure Sort: Aristotelian / Non-Aristotelian (Static /
Process)
- Communication
Channel Preference: Verbal (Digital) / Non-Verbal (Analogue),
Balanced
- Emotional
Coping or Stress Response Pattern: Passivity / Aggression /
Assertiveness
- Frame
of Reference or Authority Sort: Internal / External:
Self-Referent / Other-referent
- Somatic
Response Sort: Active / Reflective / Inactive
- The
Convincer or Believability Sort: Looks, Sounds, or Feels Right;
Make sense : Automatically, Repetition, Time Period, Never
- Emotional
Direction Sort: Uni-directional / Multi-directional
- Emotional
Intensity / Exuberance Sort. Desurgency / Surgency
Timidity / Boldness
- Direction
Sort: Towards / Away from, Past Assurance / Future
possibilities; Approach / Avoidance
- Conation
Choice in Adapting: Options / Procedures
- Adaptation
Sort: Judging / Perceiving, Controlling / Floating
- Reasons
Sort of Modal Operations: Necessity / Possibility / Desire;
Stick-carrot
- Preference
Sort: Primary Interest – People / Place / Things / Activities
/ Information
- Goal
Sort – Adapting to Expectations: Perfection / Optimization /
Skepticism
- Value
Buying Sort: Cost / Convenience / Quality / Time
- Responsibilities
Sort: Over-Responsibility / Under-responsibility
- People
Convincer Sort Distrusting / Trusting
- Rejuvenation
of Battery Sort: Extravert, Ambivert, Introvert
- Affiliation
and Management Sort: Independent / Team player / Manager
- Communication
Stance Sort: Blamer, Placater, Distractor, Computer, Leveler
- General
Response: Congruent / Incongruent Competitive / Cooperative /
Polarity / Meta
- Somatic
Response Style: Active / Reflective / Both / Inactive (In social
context)
- Work
Preference Sort: Things / Systems / People / Information
- Comparison
Sort: Quantitative / Qualitative
- Knowledge
Sort: Modeling / Conceptualizing / Demonstrating / Experiencing
/ Authorizing
- Completion
/ Closure Sort: Closure / Non-closure
- Social
Presentation: Shrewd and Artful / Genuine and Artless
- Hierarchical
Dominance Sort: Power / Affiliation / Achievement
- Value
sort: Emotional “Needs” / Beliefs
- Temper
to Instruction sort: Strong-Will / Compliant
- Self-esteem
sort: Conditional / Unconditional ; High / Low self-esteem
- Self-confidence
sort: High / Low
- Self-experience
sort: Mind / Emotion / Body / Role / / Position / Spirit
- Self-integrity
: Conflicted Incongruity / Harmonious Integration
- “Time”
Access Sort : Random / Sequential
- Ego
Strength Sort: Unstable / Stable ; Reactive / Proactive
- Morality
Sort: Weak / Strong Super-ego
- Causational
Sort: Causeless, Linear CE (Cause-effect), Multi-CE, Personal
CE, External CE, Magical, Correlational
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